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Will Smith: A Biography in Words

Jonathon Grimshaw was born in New York’s Bronx over twenty years ago. His childhood was tough, with regular beatings coming from the thugs that hounded his father for payments for his gambling debts. Not much else has been told of this traumatic period of the man’s life, however during his 20th year he followed his constitutional right to change his name. This was the dawning of a new era, the era of WILL SMITH! 

Smith's career as a popular rap artist began when he joined DJ Jeffy Jazz, where the so-called ‘dynamic duo’ of the early 90s rap scene spread their breed of infectious family friendly tunes right round the nation’s airwaves. He was able to build on his success in the rap circuit when he organized a sitcom about nothing, called the ‘Fresh Prince of Bellare.’ In it, Smith starred as the uptight cousin of a white family, who moved to their country club home after a hard life on the streets. He starred with his real life homosexual ex-lover Charleton, who was intended to be the ‘square’ of the show. Their unresolved sexual tension was obvious on screen, but the actors ploughed on. The show lasted for over 1 year, inspiring many other inferior sitcoms such as Seinfeld and The Osbournes. 

After ‘The Fresh Prince of Bellare’ collapsed, Smith spiraled into a spiral of drugs, booze and hookers. He managed to pay the way for his three thousand dollar a day habits by participating in a number of low budget cult films. Six Degrees of Separation was a total failure at the box office, but his career was somewhat redeemed by his participation in a number of interviews with talk show masters including Jay Leno and Ricki Lake. This inspired him to create one of the greatest pieces of art to emerge from the 21st century: Happily Ever After: Tales for Every Child. This catapulted his career back onto the track of money and political correctness. 

Possibly his most influential role was in the film ‘Wild Wild West.’ This was a lavish extravaganza filled with all the elements that our hero deserved: fantastic special effects, a strong cast of co stars and most of all, a timeless plot that involved the saving of Kentucky from an evil warlord. Smith described the film as ‘My biggest emotional... No 1 movie... know the movie... good.’ Filled with this newfound courage, Smith reentered the rap game, with his masterpiece... 

Willennium. Possibly the most underrated album of all time. This marvel of the sonic era was smashed by critics including Lachlan Kanoniuk, who stated that it was gimmicky. These fools were obviously under control by fear generated about the Y2K bug, and didn’t want their stereos to be infected by tunes like WILL2K. However, it is my personal prediction that in the year 2999 this film will rocket back up the charts like it should have in 1999. 

Nowadays blockbuster titles come begging to Smith. One of his latest titles was ‘ALI,’ where he starred as the Heavyweight Champion of the world, Muhammed ALI. His most recent film, I, Robot (yet to be released) was described by the director as ‘the next big thing.’ Illegal trailers leaked onto the internet have shown the world that this will be his most important role yet: as a computer illiterate cop in the modern age of robots. This will be a fine cap on a career that influenced our generation.